My Mother’s Day

May 29^th may not be Mother’s Day but it is My Mother’s Day – for this was the day my Mother was born. I don’t often share the depths of my feelings for my Mom in public, but in the soon-to-be two years since her passing, a small crack has appeared on my horizon and a light has begun to shine through, and with that light the desire to once again share my Mom with the world. 

So today I celebrate my Mom, Mary Zilinsky. She would have been 95 years old today! My siblings and I are eternally grateful to have had our Mom in our lives for so very long. Her entire story is not mine to share, but what I can share is what my Mom meant to me.  

I realize, how we often see ourselves is not necessarily the way the world or those closest to us see us. Self-perception can be a foggy and misguided experience. 

When I think of my Mom, I think of her strength and resilience. I think about how strong she was to persevere through her health challenges later in life. I think of how strong she was to raise six children, often as a solo parent while Dad was away on trips. I think about her tough love talks with me when she thought I was going astray in my early twenties. I think of her hopes and dreams – were they fulfilled in this lifetime? I think of the special moments I got to share with her – just her and I – even when they took place in a hospital room.

When I visualize my Mom, I see her with her anticipatory grin as she sits in front of a penny slot machine at Harrah’s in Joliet, IL. How she savored the cherry in her Manhattan as we dined at Jameson’s. Her proud smile as she looked across the table at her three daughters after spending a day together. I see us going to the movies and sharing in a passion we both loved. I see her sitting in her favorite chair, crossword puzzle in hand filling in clue after clue. I see her laughing with her friends as they share coffee and pie in the late afternoon. I see her beauty and grace in the pictures of her and our neighbors when they celebrated a night away from us kids, all of them looking so youthful and full of joy. I see her every now and then in my dreams….and each morning I awake from one of those encounters, I know she is watching over me.

I feel the love she had for me and the pride she felt when she would tell me I was her creation! Although I was her fifth child, I was the first she raised away from the watchful eye of her Mother, my Baba. My parents moved into our house in Hinsdale just before I was born and that is the home she always remained. I feel the love I have for her for she truly is my greatest inspiration and hero. I can only hope I am half the woman my Mom was in life.

After two years, I still long to hear her voice in person and to share a conversation, I suspect I always will. I often listen to the voice messages I saved of her telling me how she misses me already after leaving from one of my visits home. The feeling was always mutual. Or the stories she shared of her youthful endeavors while my sisters, niece and I hung on every word only to end in gasps and laughter. I miss sharing conversations about everything and anything with her. Although I talk to her every day, I have yet to perfect hearing her talk back to me. I miss hearing her laugh. 

I know she felt as if she had nothing left to teach us, but she taught us every day just by being her. Actions always speak louder than words and her actions were those of…

• Strength when you feel you have little to give.
• Perseverance despite the obstacles before you.
• Determination to see your challenges through.
• And grace, always grace, for she never complained or called out Why me? 

Who wouldn’t be grateful for a role model such as this? A Hero to call their own in Mother form.  

I am so grateful to have had a wonderful Mom, I know not everyone is as fortunate in that department. Mary Zilinsky raised six children, a husband, two dogs, numerous cats, a rabbit named Pinkie, chickens, a ferret, a chinchilla and fish, as well as our numerous friends to boot. She showed me the world, literally, and through our shared love of books. She knew more than I will ever know – that I do know! We loved to play scrabble and it never failed with each game she would choose words my sisters and I never even heard of. Of course we would challenge her with That’s not a word! and low and behold, each and every time it was a word. 

At the end, I was again very fortunate because I was able to spend so much of it by her side. Watching the foundation of your life slowly succumb is not an easy thing to do, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. To care for my Mom after a lifetime of her caring for me was a privilege. Our conversations became more real. Immediate. Meaningful. Heartfelt. 

My Mom gave me many lasting gifts throughout my life, but one that I hold most dear was towards the end of her beautiful life. Late one afternoon at the hospital I said to her, I should probably go, I know how you don’t like us to stay too long. Mom lovingly said, You can stay forever. I wish she could have stayed forever, but that is not how life works. 

My Mom will forever be a part of me – for without her, I wouldn’t be me. I love you to the moon and back and my pride for you exceeds the furthest galaxy.

Happy Birthday Mom! 🥂💞